I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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