Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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