i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Congratulations! We have a period
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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