im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
