Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
