Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
