I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you made out with another girl for some wings
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
