I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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