sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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