Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How's work?
Spinning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So squirting runs in the family.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize