she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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