I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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