strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
