Already got asked if we're dating
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
