did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize