I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
