So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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