the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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