grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize