i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
