I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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