im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We have started to decorate penises.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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