i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize