you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
