I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
the liver wants what the liver wants
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
