Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
