he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
