Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ok first of all what the fuck
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
