Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
