Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
