I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize