I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize