If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
