why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
