Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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