He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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