my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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