Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
