I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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