do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
