Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
