i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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