i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
