i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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