I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
