Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize