you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
