Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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