Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
