I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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