I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
