I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize