just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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