Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize