I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
