...so i touched it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
