just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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