where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
