he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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