So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
