Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
