Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
