Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
