what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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