Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
