Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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