He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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