I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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