Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Pooping to opera.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
