he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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