She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
