You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
