i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize