My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
