I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
