y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
