thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She's just so happy...and so naked.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
