She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
