she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
