Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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