take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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