Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
