I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have already put on my inside pants.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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