The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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