Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
