note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
