Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
