is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize