i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
