I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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