Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
