I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
