what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
