the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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