So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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