I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
