Will you blow on my dice?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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