My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
